Abstract:
Dowry
is the property or money given to the bride to take her husband's house when
she gets married. This evil system is especially practiced in the terrain
region of our country. Nowadays dowry is
a major factor when someone gets married. The bridegroom's family proposes the
amount of dowry. And if the bride's family agrees it, the marriage program is
organized. The bridegroom can deny the marriage ceremony if he does not get the
decided dowry. It is the worst aspect of this system. Bride's parents want their daughter to have a
prosperous life. They want to support her economy. They certainly love their
daughter. But in dowry system, the money and other things are not given to her
for her happiness; rather they are given to make the bridegroom agree to get
married to her. This system is banned by law. All the educated girls and boys
should discourage and avoid this system. The parents of the girls should
educate their daughters. If the girls are educated, they can find good husbands
themselves. At any cost, this system should be wiped out for a civilized
society.
Dowry is an evil, evil...
Acknowledgement:
Developing a Term paper is a long process,
involving many hours of effort. To see the final product is Exhilarating and
extremely satisfying, but it couldn’t have happened without those who’ve
supported me along the way. In particular, I’d like to thank Mr Kashiraj Pandey,
Asst. Prof., Department of Languages & Mass Communication, KU, whose
excellent teaching, reviewing, ideas, and suggestions were indispensable in the
revision of the Paper. Special thanks also to Kreeja Hyoju for getting the
suggestions, ideas & editing. Thanks also to the other Friends of my group for
their hard work in getting this Paper into the world. I’m also extremely fortunate
to have had the support of several other friends & seniors.
I particularly owe a debt of gratitude to
Kathmandu University for giving opportunity to study Creative Writing, to know
the methods of making the paper creative, which is highly useful for us.
Introduction:
Mithila is the land of Gods, is respected in the world
for her religious nature and mythological culture. The mythological thinking,
deep belief, and religious nature have made Mithila people well cultured. But,
sadly there are some of the poor systems in our country which are black spot in
our image.
Dowry
(dahej दहेज, तिलक) is one of the most
ancient practices of Mithila
region (Bihar & Nepal) and Oxford dictionary defines it as ‘an amount of
property or money brought by a bride to her husband on their marriage’. Dowry system is one of the discussed systems. Although,
it is the one of the most hated system, surprisingly its’ growing day by day.
Nowadays, this problem has created a lot of shade and cry in our society.
Injustice and immoral activities are further being boost up by dowry. Its’ not
very easy to say, we should stop this immediately. The
origins of dowry are far nobler than we imagine. Dowry was started by wealthy
businessmen, kings and other influential people of the society as a means to
give girls their due in the ancestral property as in those times, even till
recent times, all the money and property went to the sons only. Later on it was
used to provide “seed money” or property for the establishment of a new
household.
Marriage is one of the sacred and holy ceremonies in our
society. But, the horror of the dowry system has made this ceremony one of the
feared institutions. In Ancient Mithila
society, there was no question of dowry in marriage. It was considered to be sin.
The bride-groom was voluntarily presented with some usual gifts which were not
demanded at all. In some cases, bride’s father was offered money to allow her
to marry a young man. Because bride was considered to be a cheap activity, But
the whole scenario has been altered by dowry. Mithila society’s parents’
backbone gets sickened after the birth of a daughter.
Discussion:
In
spite of modernization and the increasing role of women in all walks of life,
the practice of the dowry in Nepal is becoming widespread, and the value of
dowries is increasing. If a bride’s family fails to pay the amount of dowry
demanded by the prospective groom’s family, the bride will be cruelly treated
by the in-laws, and in many cases will be burnt to death. In this Paer, I am
citing my own family’s experience regarding dowry at the time of my elder
sister’s marriage.
Dowry
has become a very common word and it is practiced in Nepali society without any
inhibitions or ill feelings. Dowry is a payment from the bride’s family to the
groom or groom’s family at the time of marriage. Upon marriage,
daughters are given all modern household gadgetry as dowry such as furniture,
crockery, electrical appliances (in recent years refrigerators, television
etc.) and vehicle( Motor bike or four wheelers)
as well as personal items of clothing, jewellery and cash. Some parents
also give a car among dowry items. The value of the dowry depends on the jobs
the grooms holding at the time of marriage, ranging from 8 lakh to 25 Lakh NC or more. The fact is
that no good alliance can be made without offering the above-mentioned gifts.
This system is more rigid in the Terai region of Maithili speaking region
consisting of Dhanusha, Mahottary,
Sirha, Saptari, and Sarlahi districts, although it is against the law.
I
come from a high-caste Hindu family - the Brahmin (the Pundit class). It is a
historical fact that the dowry system was and still is most prevalent among Brahmins.
Therefore, the birth of a daughter in the Brahmin is not welcomed and in some
families regarded as a curse, in fact, until the late 1960s female infanticide
was widely practiced in this caste because of possible problems paying the
dowry. Now as the baby girl is born, the parents start worrying about the dowry
of this newborn daughter. They make supreme sacrifices to save money for their
daughter’s marriage. In middle class families, the parents try to save as much
money as possible, giving up their own comforts of life in order to see their
daughters happy after marriage.
In
Brahmin families of Mithila, when the father and male relatives visit the
perspective groom’s family, they are first given the list of customary dowry
gifts in accordance with the groom’s professional status, and are asked if they
can afford to meet the demands. If they say yes they can, only then they are
offered chairs to sit on. If the bride’s father telephones the groom’s family,
he starts the conversation with what he can pay, even before the bride’s father
is asked what he can give! In this kind of social atmosphere, getting girls
married is the hardest tasks. Therefore, parents start looking for their
daughters` marriage two or three years in advance, mainly because they have to
negotiate or re-negotiate the price of dowry.
Under
these circumstances, after three years of hard work, my father managed to find
a Doctor working at District Live Stock Office, Kathmandu. He seemed to be a
perfect match for my sister as she was an Medical graduate and was earning a
handsome salary and believe me, as a matter of fact, I was not involved in
any of the decisions taken for her marriage. Anyway, after going through the
above mentioned ordeals, my parents and relatives were celebrating the fact
that finally they had found a groom with a respectable job and a good family.
According to his professional status, his family demanded some of the dowry
gifts to be given in a series of ceremonies before the marriage as well as at
the time of marriage. They kept on demanding more and more as the time of
marriage drew near. They constantly harassed my relatives by adding to the list
of gifts. My parents gave 15 Lakhs as cash.
I
not only point out people who take dowry but also blame those people who
support this system. For instance, on the day of my sister’s marriage, I
remember when my father said to his friend that it is very hard on him to spend
a huge amount of money on his daughter’s marriage, his friend replied that in
order to get his daughter married in a higher status family, it does not make
any sense to think about the money spent, after all it is his daughter who is
going to bear the fruits of his hard work. Here I would like to mention that
personally my parents are dead against this social evil. To add insult to
injury, when I was heading back to Dhulikhel, in the bus I heard all my
relatives repeatedly saying “Oh, this marriage was really cheap considering the
groom’s professional status. Your father is very lucky to have him as his
son-in-law.” There is a competition among the relatives as to who can spend the
most money on their daughters` marriage because this is a rare occasion where
they can display their wealth. They think it is a matter of pride and status to
spend lavishly on marriages. Moreover, even if the sons-in-law are not worth
giving dowry, still the brides` parents give it to them, so that they can prove
among their relatives that they also have money and a high social status.
In this social climate if a bride’s family fails to
pay the amount of dowry demanded by the prospective groom’s family, the bride
will be cruelly treated by the in-laws, and in many cases will be burnt to
death - the so called ‘kitchen deaths’, or forced to commit suicide. Indian TV
serials and movies depict the horror of this abhorrent practice ‐
of the way the dowry is demanded, the nightmare the brides` families go
through, and how the brides are burnt alive. They educate the masses about the
horrors of the dowry system and urge them not to take and give dowry for their
sons and daughters marriages. As a matter of fact, most of the people are aware
of the fact that dowry is a social evil but it is still flourishing. I do not
understand why one of the most advanced countries in Informational Technology
is burdened with this kind of backward traditional mentality!
To protest against these malpractices, young
people, both men and women, should refuse to get married if dowry is being
given or taken. Particularly, the girls should stand up against this system
with all their might because the dowry system is responsible for the
degradation of women in Nepal. After all they are the ones, not the men, who
are harassed, tortured, and killed if their parents don’t heed to the demands
made from the groom and his parents. The women should concentrate on their
education and career rather than regarding marriage as their only way of
salvation. Instead of having their parents chasing after the men of higher
status, the women themselves should raise their own status, so that the men run
to them, begging the women to marry them. With modernization and the increasing
role of women in a productive economy, creating other ways for wives to
contribute to their families` economic well being, one would expect support for
the dowry system to diminish.
Conclusion:
The educated people should think
and realize how unholy it is to demand a rich dowry for taking the hand of a
bride. They should know that it is immoral and sinful to demand dowry and the
sake of holy marriage. While demanding dowry they should think of their
unmarried sisters and future daughters so that they will refrain from this ugly
demand. They should realize that dowry has never changed the fate or financial
position of anyone in this world. If
they do not realize these simple truths, girls should organize themselves to
such an extent that no girl will marry a man who demands a rich dowry for her
hand.
It is the responsibility and duties of young generation to eradicate the
problem of dowry. It is difficult to eradicate dowry system not only in Nepal
but also other countries of the world.
There are ways, tips, methods and steps of removing and eradicating
dowry system in our society. Some ways, tips, methods and steps of removing and
eradicating dowry system are as follows:
1.
First
of all, discriminating between a girl and a boy should be stopped.
2.
Public
awareness should be raised through different media.
3.
Girls
should be sent to school equally as boys. Give girls a chance to education and
be patient.
4.
Women
should be given equal parental property rights
5.
They
should be given education and sill development training.
6.
Dowry
system should be totally discouraged by the law.
7.
Educated
man has to show the courage to stop this evil system of our society.
8.
Society
anyhow has to consider this fact that dowry is not benefitting for us. Our
society role is most vital.
9.
Don’t
force girls to marry in the early age.
10. Girls also must have to show the
entire courage to reject the boys who are demanding dowry.
11. When the girls are focused on
quality education, right trainings, got employment opportunities and economic
independence, girls can raise hands against dowry.
12. All Girls of our society have to
be confident that no girls are worse than boys.
But all this things can’t happen in a single
day or overnight. It may take some time, right planning, and lots of wealth.
One day society will be changed and step to eradicate the dowry.
In
conclusion, dowry is a social evil and a social curse, it is a sin to take or
give dowry. According to law, it is a crime. Therefore, everybody must shout
the slogan-"let's marry boycotting the dowry" because we are not
criminals. If we give up receiving and giving dowries; we can make our society
a place where everyone becomes happy and prosperous. Actually it is the matter
of question, why isn’t the system being abolished? A bride if fails to satisfy
her mother in law is burnt alive. In Nepal approximately 50 to 60 percent of
women are facing this problem mental, social and physical torture is given to a
woman, whom she bears quietly alone, not even supported by her husband who
promised to be with her in each and every step of life. Our government somehow
tried to abolish it but their laws were confirmed within their contribution
only, not by the effort. We become glad that we are modernized but why our
thoughts are too typical. More than half of the population is covered by woman
but why they fear to raise their voice against this male dominated society? Why
don’t women understand the feeling of other? We have the power to change the
society but only a woman is not only sufficient for that.
References:
wikipedia.com
answers.com
The Exclusive Weely, Janakpurdham
wikipedia.com
answers.com
The Exclusive Weely, Janakpurdham
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